I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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