is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
