Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
