Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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