i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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