so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
