Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
