Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
