I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
