So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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