A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
