i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
