I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
