Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
