I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
