There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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