Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
