Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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