just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
