that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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