That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
