Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
