Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
