i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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