i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Houston, we have a blender
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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