So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i already hear my dad disowning me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
