why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
