hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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