I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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