so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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