i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
