so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
