Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have fence marks all over my body
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
