WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
