Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
