from now on my penis is your penis
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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