I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
