Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
accomplished twins. life is a go
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
