So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
