I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
