This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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