pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
