Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
