I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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