you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
