Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
