I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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