you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
