Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
