I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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