Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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