id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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