and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I looked at my own cervix.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
