Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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