I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
