He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
