it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
