Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize