Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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