When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
