Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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