How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
