literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
