is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
