this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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