I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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