i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
