In the future we'll all be gay
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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