Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
