I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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