so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
