Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
