TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
