For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
