How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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