the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the condom got lost in my hair
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
