you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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