I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
