I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
