FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
